By Christine M. Quirk — [email protected]
What’s the secret to a good marriage? Respect, communication, commitment — and a lot of laughter. So say three Concord couples, who collectively have a century of wedded bliss under their belts.
Of course, each love story is different.
Six decades: Di and Jack Clymer
In the early 1960s, Jack Clymer’s sister suggested they throw a party. He invited the men, she invited the women, and Jack met the love of his life.
“We both felt a special something for each other right away,” Di Clymer said. “It felt very comfortable just talking with him. I remember that clearly when we first met.”
The couple married August 22, 1964. Jack was finishing law school, and Di was a senior at Wheaton College in Norton.
After a post-graduation trip to Europe, the couple settled in Concord, where they raised two daughters. They now have four grandchildren.
When they don’t see eye to eye, they said, honest communication is key. But, Di said, her husband is “very agreeable.”
“That’s one of the things that’s lovable about Jack,” she said.
Di said she appreciates her husband’s sense of humor and his willingness to try things — for instance, horseback riding. The couple took riding trips for years, including two excursions on the Oregon Trail and camping with their daughters.
Jack, a founding Concord Bridge board member who has since retired, loves his wife’s optimism and positivity.
“Di is someone whose feelings are deep,” he said. “It’s not ‘I can do it,’ it’s ‘we can do it.’”
“I also think there’s an old-fashioned saying about care,” Di said. “I care for you, which means I love you. Certainly I see as we’ve gotten older, that’s increasingly true. We are caring for each other, and I think that is an integral part of love.”
Laughing in love: Leanne Bateman and Pam Parker
When Leanne Bateman met Pam Parker in 1999, she immediately noticed her sense of humor.
“She got me laughing for 24 hours,” Leanne recalled. “We hit it off right away as friends, and then six months later or so, we started dating, and we’ve been together ever since.”
As a lesbian couple, the women didn’t think they’d be able to marry, but that changed in 2004, when Massachusetts became the first state to recognize same-sex marriage. They tied the knot in 2006.
“Neither of us had ever even considered that we’d ever be able to marry the person that we loved,” Leanne said. “I think it took us a couple years for the shock to wear off.”
Leanne said they’re a case of opposites attracting. “We’re very different from each other, so we had to learn each other,” she said.
They also learned how to manage disagreements.
“I think [when] we first got together, Lee thought that if we fought it meant that we were breaking up,” Pam said. “No, it just means we’re two very independent-minded people and we need to work through it.”
They have a code phrase: “OK, I love you anyhow.”
“It’s really important to keep the idea that you love that person,” Pam said. “You just don’t happen to agree with whatever the topic is.”
“As different as we were,” Leanne said, “we both very much valued things like honesty, respect, and communication. If somebody can’t say they’re sorry, then they’re in trouble. … You both have to work at it.”
Pam praised Leanne’s curiosity.
“It’s so entertaining to see such an active, intelligent, beautiful mind at work,” she said. “I love her commitment to being her authentic self and to having a high level of integrity and honesty. … And she’s really a lot of fun.”
Leanne went back to her wife’s sense of humor.
“Her intelligent wit and the running jokes we have — some of them were born during our first meeting,” she said. “She has kept me laughing for going on 26 years. We have a wonderful and happy life.”
Second chances: Hugh Fortmiller and Francie Nolde
Hugh Fortmiller brought a friend along on his first date with Francie Nolde.
The two had been colleagues, and then friends, at Middlesex School for decades. Francie was a single mom of two daughters, and later Hugh also became single. They ran into one another at a chiropractor’s office, and Francie, not for the first time, said, “This is so much fun. Why can’t we get together?”
Three weeks later, Hugh called and made a date: for Francie, himself, and a mutual friend.
“I like to say that he was so terrified that he had to bring a chaperone,” Francie said.
The couple, both in their 60s, married December 22, 2001.
“The challenge of creating a relationship at that point in our lives was exacerbated by my desire to see my two sons finish college and stay in the home that they’d been brought up in,” Hugh said. “Francie’s daughters were well established … [she] had to be extremely patient with me, because I was lagging behind.”
Marrying later meant that with childrearing and career demands behind them, they could focus on their relationship and their individual interests.
“[Give] your loved one time to do the kinds of things that may seem like separation,” Hugh said. “I think that’s hard to do when you’re very young and you’re maybe worried about the relationship, but things are so solid … between us that allowing that kind of flexibility, I think, makes each of us grow.”
Laughter is also important, they said, as is the commitment beyond attraction.
“Hugh and I clearly adored each other, and the chemistry was beautiful,” Francie said. “We also appreciated the fact that true love is a lot more than that. … [It goes] beyond just the early stages of falling in love. You have to maintain that spark.”
